Logan Huntzberger was always a spoiled, two-bit waste of a trust fund

After the Gilmore Girls revival, even the most devoted Logan fans had trouble defending him. What kind of asshole carries on a long-term affair with his college girlfriend while he’s ENGAGED, accepts calls from the other woman while in bed with his fiancée, and enlists his friends (who are presumably going to the wedding) to participate in an elaborate romantic gesture for his mistress? What a fucking sleazebucket.

Yes, it’s easy to jump on the bandwagon and hate on Logan now. But to all the fans who argue that the revival “ruined” the character: Logan was always the fucking worst. He was always a snot-nosed, entitled brat with about as much substance as a marshmallow–and yes, he was always a misogynist.

Let’s review, shall we?

  1. When Rory met Logan, he was talking down to Marty for bartending at one of his Richie Rich parties, because God forbid anyone should have to work for a living.
  2. At the Life and Death Brigade event, he condescended to tell Rory that she “look[ed] like she could use a little adventure,” which is pretty much Creepy Guy at a Sketchy Frat Party 101. For all of the young, impressionable girls watching this show, if a guy tells you that in real life, he’s probably about to roofie you.

    Now, that’s just too easy.
  3. He broke Rory into the dining hall and actually says the words, “With all the money my dad has donated to this school, they can afford to be out a few Cocoa Puffs.” WHAT A LITTLE SHIT. He quite literally thinks he can do whatever he wants because Daddy is rich.
  4. Logan wasn’t her boyfriend at first, so he wasn’t strictly obligated to call her or spend time with her. That being said, he was straight-up inconsiderate at the beginning of their non-relationship. He acted like he could just pick her up and drop her off whenever he felt like it, like he was a two-year-old and she was just one of many shiny toys he can play with. And then she was supposed to be all flattered when he finally deigned to be her boyfriend after she called him out on his bullshit? He honestly thinks he’s God’s gift to women.
  5. He bought her a Birkin bag and expected her to be impressed. To that I say: WTF man? Have you ever met Rory?? What the hell does she care about a bag that you can’t even keep your pens in? If he were going to get her a $10,000 gift, why not a first-edition Whitman? Because to Logan, woman=expensive bag lover.
  6. He responded to Rory saying “I love you” in the most dick-ish way since Han Solo in Empire Strikes Back:
    Literally the worst.

    First of all, get over yourself, Logan, because she had never even heard of that stupid bag. And second of all, SHUT THE FUCK UP LOGAN. Glad you think that all women can be bought with ugly-ass pink leather country club status symbols.

  7. Then, it gets even worse:                              
    What a prince.

    Oh, really, Logan? You’re not going to lie and tell Rory you love her? Because she’s “special,” and all of the other girls you lied to were worthless bimbos? How romantic! She should feel so privileged that she merits basic honesty!

  8. He broke up with his long-term girlfriend using the grade school/Tinder asshole tactic–never calling her again and assuming she’d get the hint–because she was “too much drama.” Which we all know is code for “I don’t want to deal with anyone else’s feelings, especially those of hysterical women.”
  9. With very few exceptions, every nice/romantic thing he ever did for Rory essentially amounted to throwing money at her. “Giving” her his poor driver, Frank, buying her the coffee cart for a day, sending her ridiculously expensive flowers and fruits, taking her to his daddy’s house in Martha’s Vineyard and buying her a generic diamond tennis bracelet (whatever the fuck that is) for Valentine’s Day. Aside from the coffee cart, these gifts didn’t even seem like they were meant for Rory. They were the gifts any rich executive would buy his dissatisfied housewife to apologize for cheating for the 11th time.

    I was thinking of you the whole time!
  10. Here’s an easy one: he slept with an entire bridal party. Sure, you can argue they were “on a break” Ross and Rachel-style, so it’s probably not cheating. But whether he wronged Rory or not, he degraded those women by sleeping with them and then calling them names like “Dipsy” and “Two-Nose-Job McGee.” Rory was right to call him out for calling them “worthless idiots.” Any man who considers a woman too stupid or vapid to afford her basic human respect, but is still willing to use her for sex, is an asshole-slash-misogynist. Plain and simple.

    Paris knows what’s up.

There are many, many other examples I could cite, but you get the gist. And yes, he somewhat redeems himself in the seventh season (in which he still manages to blow millions of dollars and commiserate by blowing yet more money in Vegas), but judging from his character arc in the revival, that whole “I don’t want to live my father’s life” thing was just a phase.

But more importantly, the Palladinos clearly never intended for him to be someone Rory could count on. As I explained in another post, Logan was always meant to be the Christopher stand-in, the superficially charming but fundamentally weak man who is too spoiled to acknowledge anyone else needs but his own.

I understand why Rogan fans argue that Logan really cares about Rory, especially considering his limited emotional capacity, but that’s not really the point. The point is that he shouldn’t have to think Rory is special to treat her with basic human decency. He’s the equivalent of the guy who tells you on the first date that all of his ex-girlfriends are “crazy.” More than likely, you’ll end up being one of those crazy exes someday. And even if you don’t, that guy’s still an asshole.

So, in conclusion, fuck Logan. Fuck him, his smirk, and his Birkin bag six ways from Sunday. Because at the end of the day, he’s just another in a long line of “poor little rich boys.”

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