Shut up, Fitz: 6×01 “Survival of the Fittest”

Welcome to “Shut up, Fitz,” my weekly recaps of Scandal how terrible Fitz is. Because I don’t care how many times Shonda Rhimes tells us Olitz are “endgame” (ugh, vomit): Fitz is an attempted rapist, a spoiled brat, and an all-around entitled white guy. Fuck Fitz, and fuck this ship. Join me each week as I review Fitz’s most annoying, manbaby-ish moments.

I’ll give it to Fitz: he was surprisingly tolerable for much of this episode. When Mellie told him that she was wrong to think he was a spoiled brat (nope, not wrong), and he said, “Let’s not pretend I’m a good person,” I was like, WORD. Then, when he finally, FINALLY admitted his oodles and oodles of white cis male privilege (“Me being hungry for power is like a drowning man wanting a bath.”) I was like YES. And I started to have a sort of existential crisis: was I starting to like Fitz?? 

1) When he made Abby do his dirty work for him

But then, he reverted to form and acted like a ridiculous manbaby when Abby needed him to make a decision. I understand that in real life, Vargas’ wife probably wouldn’t have been able to call their children. But for him to pout and whine that he can’t make this huge decision is like… Hello?? What do you think you’ve been doing for the last eight years, if not making decisions that affect the entire republic? And then he finishes the whine session by throwing a tantrum and yelling at poor Abby (who is really the one who deserves to be president, let’s be honest), “HE’S DEAD WHEN I SAY HE’S DEAD!”

Say it with me:

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2) When he whined about election rigging–AGAIN

I’ve gotta tell you, I am so fucking sick of this complex. Okay, so you didn’t fairly win your first election. You didn’t take responsibility for it when you found out, did you? No, instead you MURDERED A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE to keep it quiet. You can’t pretend that your upset is about fairness to the American people, so just admit that it’s about your enormous ego, stop whinging about “stealing elections,” and do your damn job.

3) When he handed the country to a fellow murderous white man

Speaking of which, in what universe is it the “responsible thing to do” to give the presidency to CYRUS BEENE?? First of all, after everything they’ve been through, Olivia and Fitz are both idiots for thinking that Cyrus wasn’t capable of faking grief and shock. He’s literally a sociopath who lies every time he breathes. He’s like Trump, only smart.

And the craze over “let’s figure out whether he killed Vargas before endorsing him” was absurd, even for this show. If that’s even a serious possibility, then MAYBE he’s not fit to be POTUS. Even if Cyrus hadn’t murdered Vargas, he’s murdered plenty of other people. Remember Amanda Tanner? Those people who were killed so Vargas could be a “hero”? Yes, pretty much everyone on this show is a murderer, so Fitz might be a little desensitized to it by now. But guess who’s not a murderer? Mellie, that’s who! (At least not directly.)

#MellieforPresident #ImStillWithHer

 

And most importantly, it’s pretty disingenuous to wring your hands about potential abuses of power, and then proceed to hand off the country like a baseball card in a dark hospital room. He admitted that either way, he wouldn’t have the vote of the people behind him, but still handed the country to  Granted, Cyrus is gay, so he doesn’t fit that “privileged white man” prototype quite as well as Fitz. But still, it was super annoying. Give the presidency to Mellie, goddammit. Or Olivia. Or Abby. Or Jake’s drunk (and jarringly recast) girlfriend. Or that adorable White House aid who always cries. LITERALLY ANYONE BUT CYRUS WILL DO.

Also, calling America the “most beautiful thing in the world”? Gross. The dangers of nationalism aside, is there any “she” that Fitz doesn’t want to fuck?

See you next week!

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