Shut up, Fitz: Scandal 6×02 “Hardball”

Welcome to “Shut up, Fitz,” my weekly recaps of Scandal how terrible Fitz is. Because I don’t care how many times Shonda Rhimes tells us Olitz are “endgame” (ugh, vomit): Fitz is an attempted rapist, a spoiled brat, and an all-around entitled white guy. Fuck Fitz, and fuck this ship. Join me each week as I review Fitz’s most annoying, manbaby-ish moments.

The good news: Fitz had a total of maybe seven minutes of screentime in this episode. The bad news: everything he did onscreen was as insufferable (and plain stupid) as always. Let’s review:

1) When he cared more about his own image than keeping a murderer out of the White House

In this episode, Liv finally provided Fitz what he asked for: concrete evidence that Cyrus was involved in Vargas’ assassination. But instead of saying, “Oh, thank you, Olivia, that might have been a fucking disaster for our country,” he whines that she’s making him properly investigate it, and does his level best to get Cyrus the presidency.

“We examined the evidence at the blown-up cabin of the tipster that was deleted from the FBI log for five whole minutes! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT???”

And look: there are reasons to want to give Cyrus the presidency at this point. The country is already unstable, and he could easily argue that switching to another candidate would cause more harm than good. (He’d be wrong, but whatever.) But instead, he just argues that it would be too embarrassing for him and his humongous ego:

“I went on television, Liv. Stood next to the man and told the people that he was their next president.”

And then, when Liv points out that that was a mistake, he does what any manbaby would do, and blames her. “Who told me to do that?” he whines. Here’s a question, Fitz: WHO’S THE FUCKING PRESIDENT?? IS IT LIV? I DON’T THINK SO! He’s like a five-year-old who gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar, cries, and says, “Joanie made me do it!”

And then, just to make sure he condescends to Olivia a little bit more, he reminds her, “The election is over.”

I mean, sure, Liv is obviously trying to power-grab for herself, and I’m no fan of the character lately. But that certainly doesn’t mean that she’s wrong to try to keep a known murderer our of the White House. In this scene, Fitz is just like all of those real-life “moderates” who mansplain to activists that they should “get over it” and accept Trump’s presidency, not because they don’t think Trump is dangerous, but because they just don’t want to hear about it anymore. And if you have anything in common with those people, you’re doing something very, very wrong.

2) When the writers decided that every cool female character had to fall in love with Gary Sue because he’s just SO DREAMY

Look, Tony Goldwyn is obviously a handsome man with a nice voice. That’s not the issue. But do we seriously have to keep hearing about how “magnetic” and “charismatic” Fitz is? Hint, Scandal writers: if you have to keep telling us how endlessly fascinating Fitz is, it’s probably because he’s boring as shit. It always baffled me that Mellie and Olivia were both head over heels for him, since they’re such forces of nature and he’s a pathetically insecure overgrown child who clearly only got where he is because he’s a tall white guy with nice hair.

Yes, it’s bad enough that Mellie ever saw Fitz as the end-all, be-all, and that Olivia still seems to. But then, Scandal FINALLY introduces another powerful woman of color–the director of the FBI, no less–and she immediately starts swooning over Fitz, even starting a relationship with him while he’s still technically President.

I mean… what the fuck, guys? Are we really supposed to believe that a strong, smart woman who has spent her entire life working her way up to the top of a male-dominated field would A) be attracted to Fitz in spite of the fact that he’s just another rich, spoiled white boy, and B) actually jeopardize her reputation, and possibly her career, by pursuing a relationship with her boss?? I know Scandal is, at heart, a soap opera, and that “strong” characters can and should have flaws and make mistakes, but this is way, way too much.

To be fair, this is not directly Fitz’s fault (except for the part where he’s complicit in jeopardizing Webster’s career), so I guess this is more of a “Shut up, Scandal writers” moment, but it is part of the reason the character is so hard to take. It’s bad enough to have an annoying, whiny character without the writers constantly telling you he shits sunshine out of his ass (*cough* Dawson *cough*).

See you next week!

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